Maybe I'm the one who should be gone?

Inside I'm dying
I don't even know why I'm trying
She says she's not leaving me
as she packs her bags
in our room
I can't seem to get out from under
this cloud of doom

What can you do
when nothing you do works
What's left to try
when you've tried it all
what's left to live for
when life doesn't want you?

I'm taking a breath
before I take my death
Deciding if its worth it
to keep my eyes open
or if the signs on my path
are telling me to exit

I've tried all that I know
and even tried a few ways
that I don't
All it taught me was that
I shouldn't believe in fairy tales
like happily ever after
There's no such thing as eternity
much less eternal love

It's pointless to make a point anymore
There's no use in fighting
to keep things going
when she says she's not leaving
even though she's already gone

I have nothing anymore
and no where to belong.
Maybe this time I'm the one
who should be gone?

I give it to you....

I am in love
with love
the idea of being loved
of having loved
of breathing just to hear
her heart beat
I am in love with
the walk
the smile
the face
the eyes
the hair
the stare
into space
when she is thinking
dreaming
This love that binds me
is so freeing
I am in love with love
the idea of being loved
of having been loved
of having been in love
the scent of her
lingering in the air
of scense of the prescense
before my love is even there.
I am in love
with love
my love
for her
her love for me.
This is love
my love
and now I give it to you.

I thought life was supposed to be fun!

There used to be so many people
I could call
talk to
run to
When I needed a friend
Yet here I sit
alone,
amidst the night
Just me & the moon
though somehow
I doubt that he cares
whether or not
I'm alright
The TV talks, begs, fights
in the distance for my attention
But all I can think about
is the voice in my head that I forgot to mention
It keeps me up
These days
Any days,
That I'm in a rut
Makes me feel like I'm some kind of nut
I'm too old to numb myself
with high school drugs
Too young to be done
I thought life was supposed to be fun?

fleeting

Do you know what it's like
to live your life
vicariously
As actors
storm on screen
grab passionately
somewhere in the distance
the roar of a motorcycle
credits roll
and you know
it'll all be ok.

What happened to those days?

When I was not just a spectator
of the outside world
but a weaver of words

back packs full of adventures
documented historical facts
on brown paper bags with logos
of last week's lunch
from that 99 cent feast

but now,
stomach full of glutenous glucose
sugary sweet life of normalacy
it has happened.

I am them.